I made a decision!
Yeah, right…
If you’re reading this, you probably know better than to believe that!
I would never claim to be good at decisions. NEVER. My inability to make a decision on something as simple as what to have for dinner or whether or not to buy (or return) some article of clothing has been a running joke in my family for about 25 years. Some might call it a fault; me, I consider my ability to carefully and painstakingly weigh all my options a valuable and enviable skill. I make decisions, eventually. Most of the time. When it really matters, at least.
This is all part of my segue into yet another blog post where I discuss that I haven’t friggin’ made a final decision about the Ironman. However, I am 180 degrees from where I was just a few weeks ago. My knee feels almost 100%. I’m getting used to my butt pain – and am feeling like I’m slowly working towards fixing that. And perhaps most important, I’m actually feeling excited again about IMLP.
I’ve had conversations with a few key people over the last few days and, today at least, I think that I can – and should – do the Ironman again. It comes down to whether or not I can make two things happen:
- First, can I get comfortable with the fact that I would be going up there without a time goal, but just focused on enjoying the race? No matter what I do between now and July 20, I will not be racing at Lake Placid. Challenging my time from last year is just about impossible and it’s more likely that I will be hours off. Is that OK? A few weeks ago, I didn’t think it could be. But, as multiple people have asked me, why can’t it be? This is not about proving anything to anyone but myself. If my goal is to simply finish the race, then finishing the race means I’ve achieved that goal. Period. It doesn’t matter what anyone else does or what I’m potentially capable of. Saying/writing this is easier than doing it, but I’m going to give it a shot. One friend who’s raced at LP before reminded me about how much fun Ironman weekend is and I started remembering the experience – sure the race is great, but it mattered much less what my time was than being up there, spending time with family and being part of the Ironman/triathlon community. That’s worth going back for.
- Second, can I actually get excited about the training and have fun putting in the hours that will be required over the next 10 weeks? I’ve been so down on myself and on my training and my shitty attitude has just about killed my training. I’ve skipped or half-assed training sessions – something I never did last year. I lost sight of the point of it all because I wasn’t working towards a goal. And putting in those hours just for the sake of “training” isn’t any fun. My training this last week or so has been more fun – I had a great run on Sunday with a friend and my ride in the Park on Tuesday morning was a blast. Maybe the weather is having something to do with it or maybe I needed that little break (and mini-meltdown) to get re-energized. I’ll have to see what happens over the next few weeks – will I get on the bike for some longer rides? Will I do it because I want to?
I am going to spend the next few weeks figuring out the answer to those two questions. If I can’t get into training for and doing IMLP for fun, then I won’t do the race. If I can, then you’ll see me there!
Yes, yes, all that was a long-winded way of saying, I’m putting off making this decision!
Swim – May 2
Distance: 3,100 yards
Time: 1:05
Run – May 2
Distance: 4.25 miles
Time: 36 minutes
Average heart rate: 146
Treadmill
Indoor Bike – May 3
Time: 2:00
Average heart rate: 127
Strength – May 3
Run – May 4
Distance: 7.25 miles
Time: 58 minutes
Average heart rate: 148
Course: West Side Highway to Battery Park
Conditions: Partly cloudy, cool (high 50’s)
Indoor Bike – May 4
Time: 45 minutes
Average heart rate: 120
Strength – May 5
Bike – May 6
Distance: 21.6 miles
Time: 1:14
Average heart rate: 119
Course: West Side Highway to Central Park, 2 loops
Conditions: Sunny, low 50’s, no wind
Swim – May 7
Distance: 2,200 yards
Time: 42 minutes
Run – May 7
Distance: 3.6 miles
Time: 30 minutes
Average heart rate: 131
Treadmill